The Master Physician

I feel like this blog post merits a Tangled quote. Anyone who is at half the Tangled fan I am will know that the movie starts off with the story of Flynn Ryder saying, "This is the story of how I died. But don't worry! It's a happy story!"
Basically a perfect description of my life right now.

Saturday, April 11th. The day that certainly felt like death. I had my first anxiety attack. For those of you who have never experienced one, count yourself lucky. For those of you who frequently experience them, my heart is full of empathy and love and admiration at your continued strength. Basically, when you have a panic attack, your body freaks out. You feel like you can't breathe because you're hyperventilating so bad. You're anxious and fearful and feel as if you are dying. Your mind actually believes this. Then tingling starts, in your face, and lips, then radiates down your arms, and then down to your legs, until it feels as if your whole body is tingling. So of course you think you're having a heart attack. Then your hands start curling up, immovable, frozen, as your panic reaches epic proportions as you try and mentally figure out what is happening to you.

I had never had one before, and I'm also kind of a hypochondriac, so of course I assumed I was actually dying. Sounds kind of funny now, but really wasn't when I was experiencing it. I woke my poor wonderful fiancee up and was basically like... hey... I feel like I'm dying... can you come over? He was there almost instantly. I made him call 9-1-1 and was trying to get my hands to move enough to access some emergency contact information on my phone. My cute man was still on the line with the paramedics when he began motioning for me to get up. "They want you to meet them downstairs".

There I was, my whole body trembling and frozen, my mind contemplating real impending doom. And the paramedics were telling me to get up. What?!
I truly thought I couldn't do it. I thought I was going to pass out or fall over or, I don't know, fall down the stairs. But my dear Kendall helped lift me up and walk me down the stairs, one at a time, always by my side, until we reached the medics.

They were calm and collected and kind and told me that I was not dying, that my vitals were fine, that I was having an anxiety attack, and that I should go for a walk and watch a good show on Disney+ or something. They gave me the words I needed to hear.

With this Easter season, I have contemplated again and again this experience and what it has taught me about Jesus Christ. I think so often, we're presumably nearly dead, and we wait for some angelic sent help to save us from all of our problems. And usually, that doesn't happen. The angelic help comes, surrounds us, sustains us, but it doesn't remove us from our sufferings, and that sometimes makes us feel like that heavenly help doesn't exist. But it really does. Sometimes it's just a matter of getting up and taking one step at a time until we reach the relief that we so desperately need.

With all that has been happening this season, I have really liked thinking of Jesus Christ as a most Perfect Physician. He can heal any wound, disease, or infirmity, and through the resurrection, He has allowed all of us to overcome even death itself. No mortal being, expert or otherwise, could ever claim to have that kind of power. More than that, however, He knows us perfectly. He knows how to push us just enough that we grow but not so much that it's too much. He prescribes the perfect medication and gives the perfect advice, which we often refuse to follow, and then we wonder why our problems exists. And unlike the typical physician, He is always there. He's the One who picks up the 9-1-1 call, the one who rushes to succor us, the One who asks us to take just a few more steps to access His power, the One who is also at our side to help us take those few extra steps to Him. Nowhere else can we find the complete healing that He offers.

My heart is full of gratitude for all the amazing heroes here on Earth who are giving of themselves during this time of great need, and most of all, to my Savior Jesus Christ, who is always, always there.

Didn't I tell you it was going to be a happy story?

Photos by Lina Trochez and Marcus Spiske from Unsplash